For all the teachers out there.

My mom sent me this quotation and I just barely held back from shouting "AMEN!" at my computer screen when I read it:

If a doctor, lawyer, or dentist had 40 people in his office at one time, all of whom had different needs, and some of whom didn't want to be there and were causing trouble, and the doctor, lawyer, or dentist, without assistance, had to treat them all with professional excellence for nine months, then he might have some conception of the classroom teacher's job. ~Donald D. Quinn

This is not to belittle the things that doctors, lawyers, and dentists do...but I think it provides an excellent perspective on the role of a teacher. And Donald Quinn doesn't even mention the fact that many teachers deal with a different group of 40 people every hour!

To all you teachers reading this blog, thank you for all you do. Summer is almost here!

Finally!

If I knew how, I would have strains of Etta James singing "At Last" to accompany this picture. My life is complete.

Breaking News!

One of the joys of living in a small town (the last census measured the population at a robust 716) is reading the police ticker in the local (weekly) paper. This is a run down of all the calls police responded to in the last week, usually ranging from domestic disputes to petty robberies. Here's my favorite item from last week's police reports:

Responded to possible death complaint at 3219 Meadowview Lane.*

I just have to know...what is a "possible death complaint"? And what is the appropriate response to said complaint?

*address changed

Overheard...

Two older men (probably in their 70s) in the waiting room of the doctor's office were watching the news and talking about current events. One says to the other, shaking his head sadly: "I don't understand the American people. We've been over there for six years killing those people, and then we go and put one of 'em in the White House."

"Those people"?!?! Really? And who exactly would "those people" be? African-Americans? People who can make it through a speech without sputtering out incoherent sentence fragments? OH...he must have meant Muslims. Because everyone KNOWS Barack Obama is a secret radical Muslim. You know, those Islamic extremists just LOOOOVE the people who keep their faith secret.

On a slightly unrelated note...if you have a few minutes, check out the videos below. For the pressed-for-time, the first video is only a few seconds; the second is about 5 minutes (but WELL worth it).

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Moment of Zen - Sore Losers
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

The Daily Show With Jon Stewart	M - Th 11p / 10c
Baracknophobia - Obey
thedailyshow.com
Daily Show Full Episodes Economic Crisis Political Humor

And we're back...

Or, at least, I'm back. Unless you want to count the voices in my head...

And I'm back with something just for you! It's a funny website! Aren't you just quivering with excitement? Go there now by clicking here. I have to say, the website it funny because it's true. Seriously, look at the Full List, and tell me it isn't true.

She is a stronger woman than I...

My mother is a teacher. She has been a teacher as long as I can remember, and I know she taught even before my older brother was born (which is, clearly, beyond my memory). She's made of tough stuff, that one.

As far as classes go, my mother has run the gamut (except for elementary school). She's taught middle school and high school, gifted kids and kids with learning disabilities - and everything in between. Teaching is truly her calling.

She teaches high schoolers now, mostly juniors and seniors who need help passing the state graduation exam (an exam that was recently improved to test on an eighth grade level...and yes, I said graduation exam). Today, she was introducing her practicum student to her students at large. The practicum student is from Yorkshire, England (do you see where this is going?), and one of the geniuses in my mother's class asked the lady, "Do you speak English?"

And...scene.

That was a close one.

Most of you have probably seen that, after the flubbed lines in the original Oath of Office, Chief Justice John Roberts administered the oath a second time, just to be on the safe side.

Well I, for one, am relieved! I heard that President Obama deliberately flubbed his line in the Oath of Office as part of an elaborate and diabolical plan. Once he "took office," he would assume all the power of the President but none of the obligations, using his position to convert all Americans to Islam and magically turning all American-born babies gay.

Chief Justice Roberts must have heard about this too. Making Obama take the oath a second time may just have saved us all...

We Wish You a Merry Christmas

This is one of those things (rather like Cirque du Soleil) that makes me wonder - how did he figure out that he could do this?

Stinky

If I ruled the world, I'd make sure that anyone who sold perfume and/or cologne could only do so if they agreed to explicitly instruct the buyers on its proper application and usage. When misused, perfume and cologne can be more offensive than body odor. I almost died of asphyxiation tonight, trapped on an airport shuttle with an overly zealous perfume user.

Seriously, people. One squirt is PLENTY.

Everything I needed to know I didn't learn in the sub training seminar.

OK, so that might not be completely true. I did learn how to operate the online system for lining up substitute teaching positions. And I learned that, as a sub, I am not supposed to take up a child's cell phone, even if they are texting/talking on it in class. (What the???)

They began the training seminar with a video. It is sappy video about a problem child whose life was turned around by his teacher. At the end of the video, the now grown child thanks his teacher for changing his life, and the teacher says - you guessed it - "No. Thank you for changing my life." There were people in the room crying. Seriously.

The point of this schmaltz-fest, according to the instructor, was to impress upon us the importance of our jobs, imparting the knowledge that a substitute teacher has the power to change lives.

Except the video wasn't about a substitute teacher, it was about a teacher who spent time with the child every day. But we weren't supposed to focus on that, apparently.

The girl sitting next to me didn't have a college degree. The woman behind me, during a group exercise, spelled the word "asks" with an E...askes...TWICE. The woman at the table in front of me spoke - literally - NO English. The leader of the seminar spent a great deal of time telling us things like, "Make sure you wear deodorant," and "Ladies, don't wear shirts that reveal your midriff." She pronounced the word "escalate" like it had a U in it - "esculate." We spent a long time discussing bathroom breaks.

Isn't it exciting to know we have the power to change lives?